hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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