News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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