"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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