Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
