so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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