yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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