Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
