do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
