What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
