You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
