my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
