last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
