all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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