You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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