Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
