it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
