i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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