I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
