I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
