he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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