I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
