i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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