I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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