his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
