a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
