I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
tell me about the fingering
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