i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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