his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
