He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
