I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
