It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
40s are totally the cure
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
