So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
