i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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