I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
