You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
