You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
