she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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