Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
