I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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