You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
