I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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