So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
