Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize