I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
