the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wow bdsm is so cute
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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