So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
