Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
