i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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