Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
