Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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