I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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