I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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