Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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