Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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