were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
