Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
handjob tips. give me some.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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