I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
