There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
