Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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