Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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