wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
