I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
