I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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