So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
