Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
