Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
