I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
