my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
