he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
