hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
