her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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