I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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