If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
