We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
