I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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