and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
