we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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