I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
