We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
