are you still at the devil's house?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
