hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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