OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
