There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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