My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
